Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
