Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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