FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Sober January is a disaster.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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