There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
