Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
