There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
