Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
