That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
