Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
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