Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize