sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
