Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
