Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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