I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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