Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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