i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
pray to the hookup gods
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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