how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Randomize
