Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
