you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
