you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize