i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
