Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
