morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
