My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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