Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
