are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
