my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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