I would go down on you faster than GM stock
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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