Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
now i know why i became what i already was.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
