i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
