DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
