so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
