Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
