Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
