Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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