if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
