Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
