my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
