Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
