so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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