CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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