i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
