For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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