how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
