so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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