Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
