Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
