Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
