OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
being pregnant is like rehab
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize