Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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