how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
