look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize