if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
