He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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