Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
