Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
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