i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
It's shark week go big or go home
Gay?
German.
Pity.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
