y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I love having hate sex.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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