Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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