If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
