that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
dude i'm inner monologue high
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
4 words: hood of his car
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
