im gay
i know
yea but for you.
sarcasm needs its own font
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Randomize
