i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Randomize
