in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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