first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
