I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
