that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
