i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
