i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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