You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
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