My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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