you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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