Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
