Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
