Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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