his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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