she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
