i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I got inside last night via doggy door
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
