Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Randomize
