making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
