the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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